Guess How Much I’m Tired...

In the age old battle of who is most tired, this is the story of early years parenting…

Daddy Nutbrown Hare, who was going to bed, yawned loudly to Mummy Nutbrown Hare.

He wanted to be sure that Mummy Nutbrown Hare was listening.

"Guess how much I’m tired," he said.

"Oh, I expect you’re going to tell me," said Mummy Nutbrown Hare, imperceptibly raising a single eyebrow.

"This much,” said Daddy Nutbrown Hare, pointing to his drooping eye lids.

Mummy Nutbrown Hare looked up from the school name tapes she was stitching, flashing her even sleepier eyes.

"But I‘m THIS tired," she said, scornfully.

Hmmm, that’s a lot, thought Daddy Nutbrown Hare…

“I’m so tired I can hardly speak,” added Daddy Nutbrown Hare, undefeated because he’d had a very busy day in the office.

“I’ve had six hours sleep in the last two days," countered Mummy Nutbrown Hare.

That’s not many hours, reflected Daddy Nutbrown Hare. Although in fairness she does disturb me when she gets up for the baby…

Then Daddy Nutbrown Hare had a good idea. He stumbled over the toddler’s train set that was left scattered across the floor and swore.

“I’m so tired I can’t tidy up!" he blurted.

Mummy Nutbrown Hare almost growled. “I’ve spent the day cleaning for, cooking for, fetching, carrying, listening to, teaching, coaching, performing to, wiping up and behaviour managing rowdy and defiant small people, all with an inconsolable eleven month old attached to my leg," she hissed, reminding herself not to embed the stupid train into his skull.

“I’ve had a really long commute, and almost didn't get a seat!” countered Daddy Nutbrown Hare, not really appreciating the thin ice on which he was skating.

“I’ve not had a single day off in years!” cried Mummy Nutbrown Hare - and she filled her wine glass so high that it nearly overflowed.

That’s quite an exaggeration, thought Daddy Nutbrown Hare. I’m pretty sure that maternity leave was a holiday.

“I was woken up by the bin men this morning! They were very loud…” sniffed Daddy Nutbrown Hare.

“I’ve crept through the midnight hours for years by the light of an iPhone to feed and change babies, comfort nightmares and clean up nose bleeds, vomit and piss soaked beds” Mummy Nutbrown Hare seethed, draining her wine and cracking open the gin.

That's a lot of booze, thought Daddy Nutbrown Hare, but wisely kept this to himself.

He was almost too sleepy to think anymore.

Then he looked beyond Mummy, and up the staircase.

Nothing could be lovelier than his duvet.

“I’m so tired I could sleep right here," he said, and closed his eyes.

“Oh, that's tired” muttered Mummy Nutbrown Hare. "That is very tired."

Mummy Nutbrown Hare watched Daddy Nutbrown Hare trudge upstairs to bed.

She finished the online banking, filled in school reading records, made a packed lunch, cleared the dishwasher, picked up the last few toys from the floor, let the dog out, folded the day’s laundry and set the kitchen table for the next day’s rush to school.

Then she finally went upstairs to bed, looked at Daddy Nutbrown Hare sleeping soundly and whispered with a smile, “Total bloody lightweight.”