A Squish and A Squeeze

The bedtime story that started the parenting parodies flowing!

A busy young lady lived with her young fella.
She shopped, ate out, had career going stellar.
Her subconscious self heard her stumble and strife,

“There’s not enough meaning in my life.
Something’s amiss, won’t you help me please?
My life is a squish and a squeeze.”

“You need a child,” said the innermost voice.
“I need a child? What a curious choice!”

Well, the child never slept and then shat on the floor.
And Mum found career, glitz and glamour no more.
The shaken young lady cried, “For heaven’s sake!
I love her so much but she’s always awake!
I never relax as she wakes with the breeze.
My life is a squish and a squeeze.”

And she said, “Inner voice, won’t you help me please?
My life is a squish and a squeeze!”

“Have baby two,” said the innermost voice.
“Have baby two? What a curious choice!”

Well, child two pulled the hair of child one and then screamed.
Then child one pinched child two, it was worse than she’d dreamed!
The shattered young lady cried, “Flipping old heck!”
“These kids are divine, but a pain in the neck!”
I can’t write an email, I’ve lost the car keys.
My life is a squish and a squeeze.”

“Have baby three,” said the innermost voice.
“Have baby three? What a curious choice!"

Child three made the other two seem easy peasy.
So headstrong, so wilful it makes her feel queasy.
The broken young lady cried, “I’m simply beat!
Three kids are just mental, a psychotic treat!
Tantrums and meltdowns brought on by a sneeze.
My life is a squish and a squeeze!”

And she said, “Inner voice, won’t you help me please?
My life is a squish and a squeeze!”

“Have a gin,” said the innermost voice…
And she did.